Ribehkah

Didn’t get much rest last night. Was awake the entire night feeling so horrible and uncomfortable. Mornings and afternoons were fine… Didn’t get much trouble trying to sleep and wasn’t fidgety. But when the night comes my body seems to be like so weak and uncomfortable? I can’t fine the right word to describe it but no matter what posture or position i shift into i’m so uncomfortable.

Looks like another sleepless night ahead :( Though i secretly wish that tonight i will be able to get more sleep . Sigh.

Life after graduation has been so packed. I thought that with school out of the picture i can have more time to myself and just rot. But apparently not.

Dancing about 5 days a week? I’m not complaining though. I wished i can do that 7 times a week 3 times a day. 24/7, 365 days. 

But somehow I still feel that i’m not improving technically. Did i forget to mention that i need to be skinner too? Its like a life long battle between me and diet. Seriously.

When will my dream of becoming a stick come true… next life perhaps? 

Other than that, life has been pretty good to me. ( Except the illness i’m suffering from now)

The previous bkk trip was so fruitful I am now facing the problem of too many clothes to choose from. How is that a problem anyway? ;/

Am going to stop shopping for a period of time. I hope…. This is the third week since the trip and i haven’t shop. Which is a good sign.

Money saving plan is kinda bumpy now and it was hard controlling the frequency of cabs i take every week. Splurged a little too much on cabs this week but it was because i am sick :(

Have been thinking a lot about what to do in the future but have yet to come up with an answer. I’m so fickle minded and i don’t know what i really want. Finally all the “compulsory” education is over and now i’m left on my own to make all the decisions. 

Other than that, i think life is pretty good. I just want to recover quickly. *fingers crossed*

I wished this meant that much to you.

The saddest part is knowing that you won’t take the initiative to do anything. That’s what hurts most. But after so long, I’m actually kinda immune to it. Care less hurt less. The more I pay attention the higher my expectations. And at the end of the day what comes back is disappointment. So what am I fighting for?

You do the things I don’t want you to do. And don’t do the things I’d like you to do. Is it that hard to follow? Or is it just that you’re trying to test waters with me.

I really can’t imagine how caring became like this. And how much I thought over the day.

You never pay attention to what I have to say. Not now not later. I’m equally busy as well. It’s not just you. But why do I seem to know everything in and out? It’s not because I have super memory. It’s because I made the effort to do so. And that’s something that is depleting.

Effort.